bad romance

"Am I the first man you have ever loved?" he said.
"Of course," she answered "Why do men always ask the same question?".

longest word in the English language

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"

stuped scientists

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

good and bad news

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

americans and canadians

Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations 10.10.95:


Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.


Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision


Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.


Canadians: No, I say again divert YOUR course.


Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW.


Canadians: This is a little lighthouse. Your call.

a woman

A woman visited her doctor and complained,"this morning t went to the bathroom...and 5 pennies came out.....this afternoon i went again and dimes and quarters fell out.I couldn't wait to get here!!!"

The doctor said "take it easy.You're just going through your change

men

Three men, an Italian, a French and a Spanish went for a job interview in England. Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first:
"I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

The Spanish was next:
"I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV."

Last was the French:
"I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green...green...", I pink up the phone and I say "Yellow ?..."